FLEMINGTON, NJ – September 23rd
Kristen Sokolowski and Justin Garnier, both of Flemington, made history last weekend by being the first couple to be married and get their divorce papers on the same day.
“We’re big believers in no one getting it right the first time,” said Kristen, 22, a Program Assistant for an advertising firm, “it will help us further down the road when we’re finally ready to make the commitment.”
“Yeah, it’s just easier like this, I’m glad we have them,” added Justin, also 22 and also a Program Assistant for the same firm. “This way, I can plan the promotion I’m aiming for until sometime closer to whenever we divorce, when I need the extra cash for rent.”
Though they have stated that they intend to remain friends after the divorce, it has been agreed by both parties to start looking for affairs in two years, making for an easier transition into single life.
Despite the planned infidelities, they have already agreed to mark down “Irreconcilable Differences” as the primary reason for separation.
The couple, whose wedding and reception were held at the West Kensington Country Club of off Rt. 31, plan to separate in September 2017 after five years of marriage. They claim the state had no problem accepting five dollar processing fee despite no exact date being set. “We don’t need to pick specific day yet, it will just happen when it happens” said Kristen, “I don’t get anal with stuff like that.”
“Yeah, you don’t get anal with anything,” added the groom, rolling his eyes.
Though Justin was raised Catholic, the ceremony was largely secular. “Yeah, ya know… I don’t know,” he said as he bit into the ice cream-style wedding cake. “Goddamn, this is good. I love ice cream cake.”
The couple won’t reveal the exact cost of the modest affair, but cite the total amount is in the neighborhood of $20,000. “We wanted the price to be a little lower than the average wedding,” said Justin, “so we can save a little and go all-out on our next ones. And more guests ‘cause we only had like 250 people here this time.”
“I’m all for it,” said best man Chris Wickford, “‘long as there are open bars at both of his weddings, I’m down for whatever.”
“Hey, if they’re happy then we are happy, because, in the end ya gotta be happy,” said Evelyn, the groom’s mother. “They can do what they want and I respect their choices... as long as they both just have jobs!” she added, laughing.
“Yes, as long as they both have jobs,” said the groom’s father, but did not laugh.
“Eh, I don’t like him much anyway,” said the father of the bride, “he smokes. I have to spray Febreeze after he leaves my house. I’ll be happy when she dumps him.”
There was brief talk from the couple about not having kids, but they ultimately decided it was in their best financial interest to do so. “It’ll pay off in the long run,” Justin said of the controversial decision, “it might be hard, but if we do it right and divorce when they’re young, they won’t remember us together and it will allow us to cut the cost of future Christmas in half when they have stepparents.”
“Plus, the kids will think that they’re getting double the amount of regular presents, when really it will probably even out,” said Kristen.
When asked if he expects their next marriages to work-out, Justin replied, “Ha! Third time’s the charm; hey, pass the pistachios.”