Labour leader Ed Miliband has announced a revolutionary new policy, which he thinks will stop him saying really stupid things that have not been thought through.
‘Taken energy price capping as an example’ said Miliband ‘I know that state regulation of the energy sector might sound good near election time, but what if it means that all the lights go out and I fall down the stairs? I really should have been more careful.’
‘I have therefore decided to regulate myself to prevent me tying myself in knots. The new regulator OfBand will tell me what I can and cannot say and will vet all my speeches prior to releases. I am therefore delighted to appoint myself to run this important unit, and I would like to thank my brother David for this brilliant idea.'