There were moving scenes at the prestigious Tool of the Year awards at London’s Connaught hotel, as Makita’s new Emotional Wrench won three awards, including the coveted “best loved tool” in the automotive section.
The famous golden spanner was presented to the company’s Japanese boss by Mike Smithy, a mechanic from Vauxhall’s prestigious Egham dealership, who had led the campaign for its nomination against stiff competition from other tools.
He said “All too often the mechanic is thought of as a grimy-nailed nobody with a rolled up copy of the Sun poking out of his bumcrack, and a habit of sucking his teeth and quoting inflated prices for half-shafts. An unfeeling monster, in other words. But we have a softer side. We have feelings. We’re human beings.”
Shaking visibly, Mr Smithy continued, to a hushed audience: “Oh yes, we get our fair share of stick from the public about these awards. Tool of the year. Oh ha ha, very funny. But this award shows that a man can get to love a bit of kit, especially one as intoxicatingly alluring as this gorgeous half inch impact wrench. Yes, that’s right, you heard me correctly. Love. Especially one with sensitive manual torque control, and alternative remote power. So I salute this lovely company’s brave decision to name this product an Emotional Wrench. Because if ever I had to part from mine I’d…well god knows what I would do, and... I have been in this great industry of ours for 20 years….”
Mr Smithy then appeared to break down and was escorted from the stage by Master of Ceremonies Les Dennis, but he later told reporters he was “unashamed” at his performance. “I love my tool, I really do. I love it as much as my wife, my children or - and I'm not ashamed to say it - even my penis.”