Labour has promised the creation of 20 million or more tiny edible cows to provide affordable food for the less well off. Showing off one of the tiny cows at the party conference, Balls demonstrated the high pitch “moo” they will make. “It’s somewhere between a whistle and a hoot,” he explained, joking that the new Labour cow “could make all of us steakholders” It's thought the tiny cow could replace the red rose as the Labour logo, thanks to sponsorship by Red Bull.
A vegetarian all-cheese version is, say Labour sources “in the pipeline”.
The new Balls cow can be grown in small gardens and even window boxes, and once it grows to a regulation 130 mm long it can be beheaded and eaten whole apart from the tail. Jamie Oliver is thought to be creating a new TV series about mini-cattle farming, with a TV and recipe book spin-off. He is rumoured to be considering shrinking to a tenth of his normal size as part of the deal, making him a "more modern" size for viewing on tablet and smartphone devices.