"I can't understand what came over me" sobbed shame-faced Elsie Bigham, who has been a passionate feminist, left-wing campaigner and MP for Northern contituency Coaldale East for 12 years. "I was at home, considering how best to help one of my destitute and abused consitiuents, when I was overcome by the stench coming from behind my 'fridge" she explained.
"Before I knew what had happened, I found that, without thinking of the political consequences, I had pulled my 'fridge out and had begun the scoop up the festering morass of fetid detrius which had accumulated behind it. At that moment, the chairman of my party knocked at my front door."
"He and two other committee members came in and saw what had happened, and immediately advised me that they would have no alternative but to inform the local party disciplinay committee imediately. I begged and pleaded, but they were adamant."
Local party chairman Albert Sidebottam said "Aye, that's right. The lass were obviously not just houseproud, but had a total hygene obsession. But we wouldn't have reported her if the daft wench had had the nous to make us each a cup of tea and a slice of her home-made cake."