Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt today announced a radical new plan to stop people dying in hospitals instead of getting better.
At a news conference today, he said:'Hey, listen to this - it's a biggie! You might want to be sitting down. OK - ready? We're going to - pay hospital managers more!! I know - incredible, isn't it! I wonder why no-one's thought of it before.'
Under Mr Hunt's innovative scheme, if a patient manages to come out of a hospital alive, the managers will all be paid an extra lorry-load of cash.
He explained: 'To make room for these massive but well-deserved bonus payments to hospital managers we will have to make savings elsewhere. So I've sacked all the nurses.'