Last week’s raid on a local jewellery store in Hull came as a surprise to many local residents, but in another shock twist combined with a straddle split, it emerged members of Hull’s premier gymnastics team were responsible. We have obtained a witness statement by a member of staff at the jewellers which describes the terrifying ordeal:
“Three masked men in leotards burst into the shop, I could already tell what they wanted, so I showed them where the vault was. They approached it as if they’d done this before and expertly sprung a Handspring forward with a 360° turn in 1st flight phase, and a salto forward without a LA turn in the 2nd flight phase. Majestic.
Next, a man asked for the rings, he approached them with such confidence and grace. He hoisted himself straight into an L-sit, his arms were straight as bins as he swung into a maltese cross, then he moved into a handstand and somersaulted to dismount expertly. Straight 10’s.
They then made off on pummel horse”.
A truly terrifying account.
Police have asked members of the public not to approach these men without glitter, and chalk.