“I must stop repeating myself in speeches, I must stop repeating myself on tv and I must stop repeating myself in front of the mirror.” said US Secretary of State John Kerry in response to complaints that he keeps repeating himself when listing things.
His personal physician Ambrose Carnation denied this was a sign of early onset Alzheimer's “he’s as fit as a fookin fiddle, ain’t no doubt ‘bout that, yessiree. Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!”
Meanwhile, as US forces rehearsed for attack, Syria’s President Assad prepared himself the only way egomaniacal dictators know how, by hiding in a hole in the ground.
“They will never find me here.” he said, speaking on his mobile phone.