Nick Clegg and Vince Cable clashed at the Lib Dem conference today over reports that they were divided.
'We are not divided,' declared Nick Clegg from the conference centre, a phone box on the outskirts of Glasgow. 'Vince and I are totally united on whatever it is we're meant to be divided about.'
Speaking after a lady had finished phoning her mum to say she would be round for neeps and tatties, Vince Cabble said: 'First of all, it's Mister Cable to you. And next, Nick has no idea what he's talking about on this or any subject, and we are completely divided about whatever it is.
'However, we are united on one thing, and that is - our election chances are considerably less than the chances of the pope marrying Sandi Toksvig. In the Bahamas. On Christmas day.'