(VERY VERY SLIGHT RE-VERSION)
Village vicar The Revd Pete Fraser is said to be devastated that his latest ‘viral’ video has failed to set the world of social media alight. The four minute clip was secretly filmed at the funeral service of 96 year old parishioner Frank Marshall at the nearby crematorium. It features an extended breakdancing and body popping sequence, set to a medley of Afrika Bambaataa numbers. The sequence climaxes with the pall-bearers moonwalking along the conveyer belt as the coffin disappeared behind the curtains for the last time.
“I can see why it didn’t set Youtube alight, to be honest” mused Cynthia Marshall (94), Frank’s grieving widow. “It just didn’t hang together as a coherent piece; breakdancing and body popping are two very distinct genres, you can’t just fling them together and say that you are being ‘80s retro’ that’s just lame. My Frank deserves better choreography than that!”
The funeral service is only the latest in a series of failed internet memes by the Vicar of St Benedict’s Church in Kirkby Stephen, described by parishioners as “a bit publicity hungry”. He was said to be ‘devastated’ when his Busby Berkley-styled total-immersion baptismal service – complete with bathing beauties and a water fountain rising from the bottom of the tank – sank without trace online.
“It wasn’t much of a surprise when that one kicked off” declared parishioner Wendy McGough. “The second you walked in and saw the camera crew, lighting and orchestra tucked away in the vestry, you knew he was up to his old tricks again. It was quite fun to watch at the time, until the lighting man dropped his follow spot into the baptismal tank anyway. It’s a wonder he gets all the money to do these flash-services from the PCC.”
Indeed the St Benedict’s treasurer says he is keen to speak with Mr Hollis “as a matter of urgency” regarding a “shortfall in funds large enough to sink the entire Diocese” arising from his fondness for high budget internet shenanigans.
“We brought it up at the last treasury meeting, but the Reverend simply looked us in the eyes and told us ‘There may be trouble ahead, but while there’s still moonlight…’ at which point I clocked him one and the whole meeting ended in disarray.”