First class post will arrive next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.* Second class post will be held back for a few days - just to let customers know what ‘second class’ actually means - or thrown into a skip. Recorded Delivery tells your delivery man one important fact: there’s something in your package worth nicking. Suckers.
Only one option, the new Premium service, will guarantee that a packet will actually be delivered, though it will be subject to an innovative and arbitary ‘charge you on a whim’ tariff.** A budget DIY option will require customers to root around in a big pile of letters and parcels - in the Town Hall basement, perhaps - to see if they can find anything they like. It’s all about ‘customer choice’, kind of thing.
By the way, this privatisation isn’t just about some fat cats in the city ‘selling off the family silver’, as some cynics have suggested. There’s plenty of gold and bronze that can go as well.
Remember the postman’s sacred promise: ‘The junk mail will get through’...
* Residents of small villages, isolated farms and Hebridean islands are advised not to send any mail at all.
** Special tariffs will apply to letter bombs, which will be delivered promptly... probably by G4.