The new plastic Iphone will have the capacity to print the new plastic five pound note, according to a joint annoucment by the Royal Mint and Apple. It will be the first time a smartphone can double as a portable ATM, meaning users will be able to access cash at any time of the day and night, as long as they hide their pin from themselves.
Meanwhile, residents of the Isle of Wight have reacted angrily to the introduction of a new "mental" pound coin. "This is just metal!" said James Smythe of Ventnor. "The pound note and the "ten bob handshake" have always been our staple currency. Many of us still use the half a crown and the tanner. I myself remember the farting, and I am only 35."
Back in the UK, it's been claimed that the new plastic fiver "may only be spent on plastic goods." Meanwhile the newly revived TSB will not refer to itself as the "bank that likes to say yes." A TSB spokesman said that in the current climate it will be prepared to say it is the "bank that likes to say 'probably not' "