“Talk about morally bankrupt,” said Abu Akthar Al-Zahari, head of Al-Aqaida’s Infidel Popular Culture Research Unit, and the man behind the latest effort to increase the organisation’s rank and file. “To be entirely honest with you, at first we thought it was a joke, or one of your pornographic videos, which it is our solemn job to watch, for research. But then when we saw it was a music video! O, Allah be praised, we just couldn’t believe our luck. It perfectly demonstrates what we’ve been saying all along – your ‘freedom’ is just a facade for pornography.”
Abdul Rahman, chair of the Damnable Immodesty Subcommittee agreed. “We were just sitting in our cave in Waziristan, trying to get reception for MTV and having a bit of a brainstorm about the new recruitment drive. What we really needed, I said, is a sexually demeaning, practically pornographic video to expose the facade of western ‘freedom’ and low and behold, Wrecking Ball came on the telly. Allah truly is good to his loyal servants. Freedom of speech’s not looking so good when it comes in the form of a former childhood star fellating a hammer, no?”
Discussing the video on this week’s Moral Maze, Melanie Phillips said it demonstrated the moral vacuum at the centre of our society and called on Billy Ray Cyrus, the singer’s father, to stone Cyrus to death, for the sake of her honour, a suggestion not yet ruled out by the country singer.
On the fatwa currently placed on Cyrus, Al-Zahari said, “Obviously it’s difficult on a personal level. All the lads loved Hannah Montana. We’d watch it whenever we weren’t hiding from drones, reception allowing. And the song itself, “Don’t you ever say, I just walked away. I will always love you.” So true. But that video. That video...”