San Francisco supervisor will introduce landmark legislation today that he says will be key in curbing greenhouse emissions and protecting the environment for future generations.
The recent proposal would regulate personal gas emissions among the residents of San Francisco, as well as regulate the mandatory wearing of personal emission counter girdles. Environmental groups have rallied in support of the progressive measure saying, "No longer will unregulated flatulance threaten the very air we breathe." Same groups have also praised the state of the art girdle design, featuring a portable Wi-Fi hotspot and automatic facebook updates for your emission count.
The measure is expected to greatly reduce the risk of Face-in-Shirt syndrome as well as wrinkled nose related eye strain, especially among employees of health food stores. The Citizens United Against Brusselsprouts has praised the move as a great step for public health awareness and environmental well being.
However, not everyone has come in support of the measure, with some vocal critics protesting that the measure does not go far enough. Some environmental advocate argue that no real solution will be reached until emissions are stopped completely. At a recent city hall protest promoting the zero-emission policy, intestinal blockages were advocated to the cries of: "Plug those holes for Mother Nature!" as a fair and more environmentally friendly alternative.
Away from the partisan bickering, one local eatery is already ahead of the curve with their enterprising sustainable seating. In this eat-local and vegan friendly establishment, customers will get a chance to contribute to the fuel demands of cooking with their own homegrown renewable energy source. "We are very excited about our new suction seats and I think the customers really enjoy knowing that they personally contributed to the preparation of our delicious meals. Just think, the guy sitting across from you might've helped prepare your dinner!" said the proud owner.