Wind in the Willows favourite, Mole, was this evening in crisis talks in a desperate attempt to save his neck following the demise of Badger and worries as to the safety of his old friend Ratty the water vole. Ratty is thought to have sought asylum at an embassy in London following threats from a band of American mink currently roaming the area.
A summit at Toad Hall was called as Riverbank residents banded together to seek a solution. Mr Toad is thought to have contacted Roger Taylor and John Deacon, Harry Potter and the UN. Parliament earlier voted not to send in troops but Mr Toad voiced concerns over speaking to the French government.
“I’ll never forget the help of Badger and Mole when the Hall was under siege. Of course, in those days it was only weasels we had to contend with. The world’s quite a different place nowadays, what with teeth and guns, but I’m confident that we can find a workable solution. And of course, the next battle’s probably round the corner as there are rumours that the Wild Wood is on a shale seam. I can’t help thinking that Mole will come into his own with that one which is why I’m so keen to keep him safe.”
The Prime Minister is being kept informed of developments.