Greg Dyke, the new chairman of the Football Association, has announced an X-Factor-style competition to find the next England World Cup song.
“We’re looking for a song that sums up how the fans feel, at the onset of another doomed campaign. The unrealistic expectations. The fist-pumping triumphalism, as someone toe-pokes a lucky, last-minute equaliser against San Marino, that marks a country, and its football team, as irredeemably second-rate. The dreams dashed. The morose introspection. The flight home. Perhaps an uplifting final verse suggesting that, hey, the good times are just around the corner.
“The judges will include Mike Batt, whose work with the Wombles gives him a special insight into the England set-up. And Peter Andre, who knows a thing or two about losing, and managing failure, and, let’s be honest, crying himself to sleep at night with his face buried in the pillow. Oh, and the tart from that girl group”.
(Based on an original work by Scronnyglonkle).