The Nation Union of Riverbank Creatures (NURC) opened its conference in Bournemouth this morning with stark warnings about the state of wildlife in Britain.
Greville Westhope, General Secretary, applauded the efforts of those opposing the badger cull and called for Brian May to be given a knighthood. He then turned his attentions to the plight of the water vole, currently at risk from the American mink.
“It’s not just Mr Badger at risk here. Ratty’s threatened in a far more subtle way,” he stated. “There is an infestation of American mink taking over the waterways and slaughtering the water vole population. We knew they’d be trouble, swanking about with that attitude in their cheap fur coats, but enough is enough. It’s time for the UK Border Agency to step in and start revoking their visas.”
Nigel Farage, a delegate at the conference and speaker at a fringe event, upheld Mr Westhope’s views. “It’s clear that we don’t want American mink sullying our countryside. The obvious solution is to send these mink to Syria. Our wildlife are far more “Dad’s Army” in their approach to conflict and should be left to cope in that way.”
The conference resumes this afternoon with a debate on whether to cut funding to the Labour Party.