The new Football Association chairman declared, to a room of packed reporters, that England will reignite the spirit 1966. When journalists pointed out the nation's recent failures and paucity of talent, Dyke replied: 'My plan is simple. I will personally don the number nine jersey and score our way to victory!'
A eerie silence filled the room for several minutes, before one reporter cautiously reminded the chairman that he was 'sixty six', with no experience of playing at the 'top level' and possibly carrying a 'few too many pounds'. Waving this point aside Mr. Dyke explained that unbeknownst to the world's media, he has been practising 'keepie uppies' in his garden all Summer.
The inspiration for the scheme, he clarified, had come from watching motivational videos, re-runs of the X factor and listening to 1980's power ballads. Flanked by the current England manager (Roy Hodgson) and the distinguished stage actor James Earl Jones, Mr. Dyke told the journalist they just needed to 'think positively'. 'Build it and they will come,' he remarked cryptically.
Dyke admitted that he would have to initially adjust to modern game, such as the absence woollen shirts, leather balls and working class fans. However he planned to embark on a Rosemary Conely training regime, fortnightly with Brentford Under-11s. When Roy Hodgson was asked could a man of declining years really out perform the likes of Wayne Rooney, he replied: 'He couldn't do any worse'. He also confirmed that in the event of a Dyke injury Gareth Bale's parents (Frank & Debbie) have agreed to swear blind he was conceived on 'away break' to Milton Keynes.