In a week full of high-tech mergers between software and hardware giants, this proud metropolitan city has launched its own answer to the internet. Rather than investing in a broad array of electronic, wireless and optical networking technologies the people of Birmingham have decided to build a 'bostin' collection of books at the end of a dirty 'lung troin' route.
With a £50bn rail link and £189m library, some have questioned whether a modest 'cable TV bundle' or 'pay as go' cell phone would have been a cheaper alternative for getting information to and from the West Midlands? However a spokesman for HS2 Ltd insisted that 'London Towun' needed a 'poyper' alternative to cyberspace and which was just a mere 90 minutes away. He added that any such detractors were 'big saft babbies'.
Critics remember Birmingham's failed launch of a 'beta' version of the project in the 1970s, when a fleet of Reliant Robins vanished on 'spaghetti junction'. Some locals who live near the 'rowud' claim that even now, when the moon is full, you can hear the plaintive sound of Black Sabbath playing on the eight-tracks of the lost vehicles. However, the new library will have a rudimentary computer network of 200 public access PCs, which will run the operating system 'Moikrasof Windas 7'. It will also offer the browsing public a choice between two search engines - 'Wozapannin' & 'Yow No'.