This year's Strictly Come Dancing will include a new feature, in which viewers are invited to name any of the 'celebrities' except for Vanessa Feltz.
The show's producer, some kid on work experience, said: 'They just all turned up in the studio one day, and I says to the crew "Oo the ell is that lot?" an the crew says they's on Strictly.
'I ain't got no idea oo they is, innit. So what I fort was, why not asks the viwers oo they is, then we can charge lots of money for the phone calls! I spose it's the usual bunch of old codgers you fort was dead, useless sports people, some singer oo ain't ad a it for the last nineteen years, someone wot played Bloke In The Background in EastEnders in 1987, and people wot's trying to revive their career, i.e. Vanessa Feltz.
'So a tenner to anyone wot knows oo any of em is, otherwise Brucie will fink he's goin senile when he don't know their names. Mind you...'