Nokia handset users are to be confronted by a fucking irritating automated paper clip each times they try to make a phone call, as new owner Microsoft brings its own brand of cool and user friendliness to the mobile phone market.
The infuriating and counterproductive paper clip has been updated to include a range of new interventions for modern day situations. Using a combination of global positioning technology and algorithms - written by some of the world's most socially clumsy buffoons - the paperclips can make their own unnecessary contribution to a whole new range of situations. "You look like you may be stuck up a mountain and your battery running low," the paper clip will say in Emergency Mode "do you want me to launch a video sponsored by brands I think you ought to like?"
Global marketing evangelist Nancy Pastrami said
I'D BETTER DO SOME WORK REALLY