The head of the RAF, Chief Air Commodore Sir Anthony Blunstone, today confirmed that RAF bombers will carpet bomb Spain later this week.
Sir Anthony explained: 'You can't get my men all psyched up about bombing Syria, and then have some namby-pamby left wingers decide that we're not going to because it might hurt someone. My men have been practising their low-level flying in the Yorkshire Dales, scattering sheep and terrifying John Craven who was filming Countryfile.
'My men are on a short fuse. I say, I've made some sort of humorous remark! Short fuse - bombs - get it? Ha ha ha! Ahem - anyway, they need to bomb something. I persuaded them not to deliver several megatons of explosive on the Houses of Parliament, but only on the basis that they could have a go at Spain. They told me that after they've finished there won't be any hold-ups at the border, because there won't be one.
'And I dare say that if they attach themselves to a passing squadron of Yankee planes no-one will say anything. Anyway, it'll mean that while the Yanks are busy bombing their own side, as they usually do, our boys might actually hit something Syrian. Now there's a thought, what what!'