Launching their new 4G network today, a spokesman for Vodafone and O2 hailed it as a huge leap forward.
'This pointless waste of time and money is for serious saddos only,' said Mark McKenzie of VO2dafone [It's got to happen...]. 'The speed at which you can download porn is amazing! Er, apparently. Oh hold on, I've got a text.
'"Read this out at the press conference. Vodafone and O2 are committed to 4G as it offers customers a significantly improved experience, and anyone who switches to 4G will soon regard 3G as no better than pigeon post. Don't read out this next bit - don't tell users that they can now waste years of their lives playing pointless games which download a massive 0.000037 of a second faster than that antiquated old 3G system.
' "And dont tell them we're hoping that millions of people will pay a huge amount of money for this unnecessary system, as we need to get back the vast amount of cash we've spent on geeks who somehow think that writing computer software for this sort of thing is their purpose in life. PS You're sacked."'