The government today announced its intention to ban the use of innuendo and double entenders in public.
The spokesman from the Department Of General Guidance, Information, Neologisms and Grammar, Mr Hugh Jars, said: 'As far as banning innuendo and double entendres goes, we're going to bend over backwards to ensure there are no cock-ups. Our female staff will be looking out for boobs, and I fully support them, even though that means I will have my hands full.
'I will take things in hand, and no doubt it will be hard. Opposition may be stiff, but I'm sure it will all come right in the end.'
Another spokesperson, Norma Snockers, added that she had a nice pear for lunch, and that now she was determined to get to the bottom of things.