Earlier today, Edinburgh Zoo announced that its female panda, Tian-Tian, may well be pregnant.
According to the Zoo's Director, the Chinese panda is showing all the classic signs of a Scottish pregnancy including weight gain, swollen ankles and sudden cravings for deep fried pizza.
"But the real giveaway is the fact that Tian-Tian spends lots of time eating "Chunky Monkey" ice cream straight from the tub, all the while watching Jeremy Kyle USA on cable. Her partner does everything for her now, including ordering a large chips with extra curry sauce when she feels peckish at 1 in the morning"
Meanwhile the UKIP spokesman on immigration has protested to the Home Office that Tian-Tian is just living off taxpayers money in order to do now work, get pregnant and claim child benefit.
"This has got to stop" said the spokesman. "Its time that Chinese pandas make their own way in the world without relying on the British taxpayer to fund their layabout lifestyles. Before you know it these pandas will be breeding like rabbits in this country and we'll be up to our eyeballs with these black-and-white spongers"