With the new English Premier League season now under way, the BBC has commissioned Richard Hammond to act smarmy in front of a blue screen as Premier League footballers, managers and agents are put through their paces getting from one end of the season to the other across swimming pools full of cash.
In the first round, the footballers will dash through an obstacle course of kicking a football around on grass to each other for 90 minutes, then running the gauntlet of tedious end-of-match interviews, being sucker-punched in nightclubs and jumping on other people's big balls before being slapped on the wrist with a derisory fine, in the quickest possible time before jumping into a big pool of cash at the end.
Then the second round is called "Cash Mountain" where players, managers and agents all vie with each other to climb up a mountain of fans'payslips, P45s and broken promises to children all the while avoiding the swinging microphone booms and paparazzi telescopic lenses of the British press. Only the fastest and most nimble will make it to the top, while the rest will fall from their pedestals into even more piles of 20 pound notes.
The final round will feature football multimillionaires face the "Managerial Wipeout Zone" whose challenge is to get to the end of the season without being thrown from the top of the stadium by the club owners midway through the season into an enormous pile of football fans' hard earned money. A microphone will be thrust in front of those "losers" where they stand looking shocked while waddling around with an enormous paycheck that could feed an African country for a year.
"Premier League Wipeout" will feature on Sky Sports every week until there is only one overall winner. And it isn't you.