... a payment protection insurance mis-selling claim service at work which was not your fault? if you transfer your electricity account to doubleglazeenergy, as well as supplying your gas and electricity at unbelievable prices, you will be able to take advantage of our included completely free* legal aid sue-everybody-in-sight service, as well as our "claim off one person, claim off two more people for half price" bargain offer.
all you have to do is fail to respond to this unsolicited email and you will automatically be enrolled in our super-mega-bargain all-your-services-totally-sorted service for 99 years. this includes the supply, direct to you home, of gas, electricity, water, milk, bread, eggs, telephone landline, mobile phone, internet connection, refuse collection, bank account, health and dental insurance, car, house, pet, public liability and alien abduction insurance, groceries, fake designer sunglasses and child adoption services. and all this* is absoluely free** for the first 30 seconds.
*offer relates to insurance*** of the delivery of the items, not to the items or services themselves whether before, during or after their delivery.
**tarrif becomes â£5,000 per week after first 30 seconds. a â£500,000 cancellation fee is payable by customers who fail to retain our services for the full duation of the 99-year contract. terms and conditon apply. this service is not available to anyone who ever reads terms and conditions.
***when we say 'insurance', we mean insurance insurance - insurance against anyone trying to mis-sell you unecessary insurancce on anything which you haven't got and which is already insured anyway.
[doubleglazeenergy is a wholly-owned subsidiary of scambank plc. the integrity of our organisation is guaranteed by the fact that we are owned by the government, or rather, will be after we have inevitably gone into liquidation.]