A terrifying new form of terror was revealed today and we should all be terrified.
Scientists discovered the terror by accident when searching for reasons to remind us of old terrors we have gotten over.
International terror expert, Dr Lawrence Moore, claims that the new terror could pose a threat to humans, saying, ‘Thousands could die. Millions. It is possible that this strain of terror could cause a higher body count than the Holocaust, 9/11 and The Sopranos combined.’
‘In theory you could die in any way imaginable with this new thing. I’d imagine it would prey on your darkest fears and force you to live them out. In my case, my vital organs would slowly leave my body through my genitals while I watched a marathon of Michael McIntrye DVDS. Excruciating pain and embarrassing, it would be a terrible way to die. Of course, I have no proof this will happen, it’s purely theoretical.’
‘As of yet fatalities are at zero but that number should increase. I’m not saying it will happen today or tomorrow but someday soon. Hopefully the 27th, I got that in the office pool.’
The Government issued a statement in response to the terror alert. It asks the public not to panic and advises them to go home, assume the fetal position and gently weep until this is all over.