In an attempt to attract new parishioners the Church has opened a new range of pop-up churches in a wide variety of slimming clubs across the nation.
The Church is hoping to encourage the nation's dieters to join an organised religion when they have completed their weekly weigh-ins at premises owned by Weight Watchers, Slimming World and Rosemary Conley, 'God knows those fatsos need a miracle, and we can help deliver one' added the Rev. Margaret Knowles, whose civil partner Gill lost almost £300 on Weight Watchers.
'Our main reservation was connected with the impact that the stale odours and high temperatures found in many slimming clubs would detract from membership of the Church, but if we position a few religious relics, religious posters, unruly children and worn-out chairs in the clubs then we may be successful in attracting new worshipers' continued Rev. Knowles.
'Our Church is a happy one' added Rev. Knowles 'And by adopting the same approach to clapping and cheering when it was announced to the slimming group that 27 stone Marion had lost half a pound in a month then we are sure new parishioners will flood-in.'
'If the good Lord chips-in with some help then weight loss will be assured' said Rev. Knowles, and our revolutionary and exclusive unleavened bread and red wine diet will see the pounds falling off. You can buy the diet book on Amazon, in fact it's a real slimmer's bible.'