Officials at grimsby were astounded today when an army of Chinese soldiers, complete with half a division of tanks emerged from the car carrier ship mv AutoInvaderthis morning.
Instead of the anticipated delivery of foreign built four by four up-kerbers driving down the ramp dock workers found themselves looking into the barrel of a battle tank in full chinese livery.
Dock foreman and former trawlerman, Billy Nadapisces, said, "I immediately rang the customs and immigration people, Border Farce, or whatever they're called now, but they said they were too busy swiping passports at Heathrow to bother about a few extra immigrants; and anyway, they didn't count statistics from small ports as it was too difficult to get any officers there, so it didn't matter as neither the Daily Mail, not Prime Ministers question time would find out - had we tried phoning the army?" Billy, 54, of Acacia Avenue and lifelong Shinty supporter, went on to say that "My mate tried the army but they said they were busy being needlessly blown up in the desert and to ring back in about ten years if we still had an army then".
Outraged Mayor and WI chairperson, Cynthia Knickertwistledown-Smythe, brandishing a red carnation from her flower arranging class, heroically approached the Chinese battle commander, Sandhurst trained, former Oxford table tennis blue, general Fuss and demanded that the offending army be removed from British shores forthwith. The bemused general laughed and said, "you and whose army". To which the indignant WI harridan went ballistic with a foul mouthed racist diatribe finishing up with, "you people come here acting like you own the place!" To which the inscrutable little Chinaman replied , "actually we do own the place, madam".
Stop Press- There have been reports of Chinese armies landing at Southampton, Felixstowe, Dartford, Liverpool, Harwich, Newcastle and East Cowes.
China, with one of the most robust economies in the world, has, it turns out, already purchased most of the UK infrastructure and is quite entitled to let its armies drive freely over chinese state owned property such as the severn bridge, Wiltshire and Balmoral.
Border Farce has declined to comment, stating that today was not the best day to bury bad news.