In a shock ruling today, the EU ruled that the countries formerly known as the United Kingdom must cease using that name forthwith, as it is not an accurate description.
In their ruling, the German and French judges said: 'The place is neither united, nor a kingdom. The Scots hate everyone else, the English hate the Scots according to Mr Farage, the Irish hate each other and the Welsh - well, heaven knows what they think at the best of times.
'And how can you have a kingdom when there isn't a king? The whole thing is totally misleading and untrue, and we cannot allow anything like that in the EU. Especially when the Britishers are responsible for it.
'So they now have seven days to replace all references to "the United Kingdom" with "the Internecine hatred-riven Queendom".'