Notorious 'tree-hugger' and 'peddler of ethics', Caroline Lucas, has been spotted in the West Sussex area. Law enforcement officials have warned members of the public to avoid contact with her: 'The former Leader of the Green Party has been reported flashing her values for all to see,' said a spokesmen for Sussex constabulary. 'This is a clear attempt to expose the young and impressionable to the concept of duty, solidarity and lentil soup. Clearly she must be stopped!'
Prime Minister David Cameron applauded the emergency services and their suppression of 'peaceful, non-violent granola addicts'. While Ed Miliband was quick to disagree with the PM by agreeing with the PM, but in a slightly nasal manner. A spokesmen for the Opposition Leader said: 'Mr Miliband has his own deep-seated, ideological reasons for not speaking out on this issue of fracking. Yes, he is a former Energy Secretary but that should not distract from his very real desire to be Prime Minister. Caroline Lucas has the luxury of principles, standing up for them and getting arrested; whereas Mr Miliband is in the serious business of not offending anyone.'
Gas exploration company, Cuadrilla, has expressed its gratitude that Public Order Act notices designed to prevent the disruption of 'the life of the community' could be used to protect energy firms 'hell bent' on the disruption of 'the life of the community'. 'We can't let eco-nut jobs prevent the police from protecting big business. Hydraulic drilling does not cause cancer. It pollutes water. Which is a completely different thing,' said a spokesmen, hastily consulting a science journal. 'Admittedly some of the 40,000 galleons of chemicals per fracking is carcinogenic, but that's a small price to pay for a constant supply of toxic sludge, subsidence and methane gas in your shower'.