The Annual World's Most Obnoxious Person competition started again this weekend without last year's winner, multi-millionaire Carlos "I'm not playing" Tevez who has absconded to the continent with a suitcase full of tenners, leaving behind un-weeded old people's drives in Moss Side. Also missing is former winner and perennial favourite puce faced, spittle spraying multi-millionaire Sir Alcoholic Ferguson whose haranguing and harassing of referees will be sorely missed.
Fortunately some familiar faces are returning, including multi-millionaires Craig "assaults his team-mates with a golf club" Bellamy and Joey "sets them on fire" Barton. However these new boys are not expected to threaten established stars like multi-millionaire racist and teammate's wife shagger John "I did not call you a fucking black cunt" Terry and multi-millionaire and granny prossy client Wayne "I'm not playing if there is someone better than me in the team" Rooney.
The pre-season favourite however is multi-millionaire racist, cheat and cannibal Luis "Sod you lot I'm off to a decent team" Suarez whose native Uruguayan habits of calling a black man a nigger and eating members of the opposition who prevent him from scoring, have been widely misunderstood in this country.