UK gas consumers are celebrating today after the Department for the Environment issued its first fracking licence in the UK to Cuadrilla. The technique of extracting gas reserves from deep within the earth is expected to release billions of cubic meters of natural gas and cause gas prices to plummet this winter.
A spokesman for Cuadrilla said. “We are delighted to receive the licence which covers a large part of Essex known as Eric Pickles. Normally we would drill bore holes 100s of meters deep and inject them with water and chemicals at very high pressure to facture the earth and release the trapped pockets of natural gas, but in this case Eric Pickles already has a passage from his anus to his rectum and on to his large and small intestines leading to his stomach in which the gas reserves are stored, so the process should be far more environmentally friendly. And just as long as Eric Pickles keeps up his normal diet completely renewable”
Residents living near Mr Pickles are however concerned and have formed an action group called No Fracking Pickles Round Here. A spokesman for the group denied they are just a bunch of NIMBYs and explained “with this amount of gas being released it is inevitable there will be serious pollution and earthquakes not to mention the effect on house prices and threat of explosions”.
Cuadrilla have now moved north to an area of Hull known as John Prescott for further exploration.