Energy analysts have revealed that huge quantities of gas have been found in the pants of Coalition Ministers. They believe the pants of David Cameron, Nick Clegg, Eric Pickles and Vince Cable alone are sufficient to meet Brtain's energy needs for the next sixty years.
Quadrille Mac Drilling of Aberdeen said they are keen to examinine Coalition pants as soon as possible, and have requested a meeting with Sir Harry Brun-Nez, Head of the Cabinet Office, who acts as gate-keeper on sensitive Ministerial topics. Quadrille Mac say their Chief Executive had already made a proposition to Sir Harry, which had not been rebuffed.
A seasoned lobby journalist, who had been been at a recent Ministerial Energy Briefing, said he had no doubt that the gas potential of Coalition pants was huge. He said the briefing had taken place on a particularly hot summer's day, and the smell of gas hung heavy in the air. At one point, he added, excess gas was spontaneously combusting around Vince Cable.
However not everyone is convinced that these gas reserves can be commercially recovered. Tom Coalport, Professor of Renewable Energy Studies at Scunthorpe University, said the exciting thing was that this gas really was a genuine renewable, the Ministers pants apparently producing vast amounts of new gas daily. But he he sounded a note of caution, pointing out that the UK Coalition Ministers' pants was a highly volatile region, and many drilling companies would prefer to drill in Nigeria, where the political situation was more stable, and less corrupt.
And of course, fracking for gas is a highly contentious subject across the shires. Mrs Jenny Thomson, an ex-Tory party member who leads a "direct action" anti-fracking campaign group in East Sussex, said "It is time for David Cameron to put his pants where his mouth is." She said "The PM had recently urged people to accept fracking for the good of the country. But would he prepared to frack his own pants ? I don't think so. And if he won't frack his pants, why should we let him frack our Green Belts ?"