Shocked islanders woke this morning to find German battleships blockading the Orkney and Shetland Isles and the Isle of Man. BBC World Radio reported that this seemed to be part of a concerted campaign, with German troops occupying Sardinia, Corsica, Crete and Tenerife.
As the news broke, crowds poured onto Isle of Wight streets, only to find no sign of German activity. Locals gathering by the ferry terminal were mostly relieved, but some were a bit disappointed. Eric Baines, who runs a Ventnor B&B said "What, they've gone to Isle of Man, and ignored us ? Surely Isle of Wight is more important than Isle of Man ?" He added, "To be honest, we would have welcomed the German trade here, it would be better than the low-spending riff-raff we get here nowadays"
There were also reports that Anglesey's bridges to the mainland had been blown up by the Germans. Local police confirmed both bridges over the Menai Straits had been completely destroyed, but denied any German involvement. They said the damage was caused by a group of drunken Scousers on a stag night which had got out of hand.
Angela Merkel issued a statement that "the developing islands crisis threatened to break up the EU." She said "Only Germany had the power to restore European order, and it was their historic destiny to do whatever was necessary to achieve this. She added, "Our EU partners will surely all welcome our intervention."
The Prime Minister was chairing a COBRA meeting and unavailable for comment. However Nick Clegg said he welcomed the EU's constructive intervention.