Britain could be isolated and have the shit kicked out of it n the showers - while the prison warders pretend not to notice, says a new report from The Hambleton Group, an unbiased think tank funded by the EC.
While most of the residents of Britain want to be good, a few nutters are spoiling it for everyone, says the report, which predicts that they won't have an easy time if they are sent away.
The number of people in Britain who "Don't want any trouble mate" has doubled in the last year, after one man changed his mind. So the percentage of people who fear being nobbled while they are naked has risen from 25 to fifty percent in one year. If this trend persists, by the year 2020, the number of people paralysed by fear will have risen by 4900 per cent (in real terms).
"Is that what you want mate," said leader researcher, John Young, "coz that's what gonna happen. Do you want that to happen to your kids? Well do ya?"
If Britain continues the way it's going, it might well end up topping itself in prison, after being used as a punk by the bigger economies, who take a pretty dim view of countries with supposed 'links to America', concluded the report.
"If you try and get out of this relationship, I'll take you down. And the kids too," said the report. "And I'm never, ever, going to vote for you in Eurovision. Have you got that?" it concluded.