Owner of the world's largest chocolate factory, Willy Wonga, today announced that he will make payday loans available for his Wonga Bars.
He said: 'I realise that not everyone can afford 75p for one of my bars. So to help things along it's now possible - actually, it's compulsory - for everyone to take out a payday loan to pay for them.
'Now, to avoid criticism from the Archbishop of Canterbury, all our loans are open and transparent. And everyone sets their own rate - provided it agrees with mine, which is 5,972% every second.'
As he was speaking, the Oompa Loompas could be hearding singing 'Oompa Loompa doo-ba de ays, we'll make you pay til the end of your days. Oompa loompa doo-ba de ids, pay up or else we'll murder your kids...'