Stymied in their attempt to build an artificial reef, the Foreign Office has been covertly placing British women in Spanish hospitals to give birth to a flotilla of plumptious secret agents. Once crawling, these 'chubby cherubs of deceit' had orders to block the Strait of Gibraltar with their ample bulk, inflatable armbands and saturated swimming nappies.
MI6 had given strict instructions to mothers-to-be to push out 'podgy spies'. but warned anything over 10lbs could attract attention. It was only when Maxime Marin accidentally gave birth naturally to the world's largest baby, that police in Alicante were alerted to the threat. The head of obstetrics said: 'It was almost the perfect scheme. Nobody would suspect these chunky monkeys of anything other than cuteness, a penchant for lard and a mother whose vagina looks like a clown's pocket.'
While MI6 will be forced to abandon operation 'code name bunny-cheeks'; this incident does raise questions about what other clandestine activities the UK has instigated? The Argentine President has already charged Britain with weaponizing the Falkland's penguin population, UKIP has been accused of trying to stage a coup in 'Bongo Bongo' land and the US has warned about the spread of James Corden.
((I know we've kind of done this story this week, but I just fancied writing it))