The NHS today published a radical plan not to kill people in hospital.
The Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, said today: 'OK, call me weird, call me wacky, call me off the wall, but this bizarre idea came to me when I was testing some drugs last night. A voice from a man on a flaming pie said to me "Stop killing people in hospital! Get nurses to care for patients! Sack the managers!" So I just thought we'd give it a go - you know, ask nurses to care for patients, try to get by without several hundred Deputy Assistant Acting Sub-Co-Managers of Paper Tissues For The Gents Toilet, and see if we can manage to get a few patients out of hospital alive.'
A spokeswoman for patients said 'That's a great - ' but was instantly interrupted by several thousand managers, who beat her unconscious. One manager then said 'Let's get her to a hospital!' which made all the other managers laugh like drains.
Mr Hunt was then mysteriously clubbed round the head, and his speech torn to shreds.