The House of Commons was in uproar on Thursday as George Osborn announced that to save money on MPs and the process of democratic debate, MPs would only be paid when they were required to actually be in the Chamber and actually debating, conducting MPs' surgeries or writing useful pieces of legislation that stand a snowball's chance in hell of becoming law.
"We have decided that we cannot afford MPs simply rolling up and expecting to be paid for simply being elected", said a visibly excited Mr Osborn, "so the new rules are designed to ensure that MPs are only paid when they actually do something tangible like actually debate in the House of Commons. Just turning up and shouting "hear, hear" and waving order papers will no longer be recognized as paid work"
"Let's face it", intervened the Prime Minister "for too long MPs have simply been paid for unproductive political activities such as starting fights in Commons bars, writing poisonous Twitter posts or even being Leader of the Opposition. This cannot go on"
Many MPs were furious at the suggestion that they should only be paid for actually doing a job of work rather than being interviewed on Sky TV about the cricket.
"This cannot become law" said an agitated Ed Balls "and we are prepared to debate all night and every night to make sure that this and every other piece of stupid legislation do not become the law of the land"
At this the Prime Minister and the Chancellor were seen to be surreptitiously giving each other a "high-five".