The Bishop of Aberdeen has been plunged in further controversy following his admission that the Catholic Church was guilty of child abuse. Unbeknownst to the gathered press, Hugh Gilbert's statement is almost word for word the same speech read by every Vatican representative for the last ten years.
What was initially assumed to be an original and unexpected act of contrition, appears to have been copied from a transcript dating back to the Dark Ages. 'Who would have thought the Catholic Church would condone such a thing?' said one shocked parishioner, as he googled 'catholic church child abuse'. 'If I just click through a few...there's one...just one...maybe two...twelve...fifty...HOLY SHIT! 333,000 results!!! Run - run for your lives - the Priests are coming to get us!'
The is not the first time the Vatican has been accused of stealing intellectual property. For many years they have been peddling bootlegged versions of the afterlife, guilt by Woody Allen and mitres by Vivienne Westwood. While it is unclear which member of the clergy made the original confession, the 1970's BBC light entertainment division do hold the film rights.