Returning home past the local garage, I realised I had neither milk, nor the bribe I had promised Master and Miss Mary if they got in their car seats without me giving them or myself a hernia. At the garage counter, I put my milk and two mini lollies on the counter, to be accosted by the woman behind me in the queue. She demanded to see the sweeties and then sighed loudly.
"You know those are the WORST things you can give your children?" said arsey woman.
"My health visitor told me it was meths after the last time," quipped Maz.
"(Sigh) My sister is a dentist and trust me, if you want to rot your children's teeth and give them mouth cancer, that's up to you."
"I'll bear that in mind," says a passive aggressive Maz, snatching her purchases and turning on her swollen heel to leave the garage.
Just as I was leaving, I heard arsey woman start up again.
"Well there's no telling some people what's good for them," she said to my retreating figure. "Anyway, pump 5, thanks. And 40 B&H."
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How I love the human race...
(18 posts) (13 voices)
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Mary Evans
offlineMemberPosted 2 years ago # -
Scroat
offlineMemberWidespread condemnation of the British Army on publication of the Bloody Sunday report. "They were murderers" etc. Like the other people weren't murderers.
Lovely clip on the Today Prog this morning from a now deceased military man. Effectively never mind Bloody Sunday, what about Bloody Omagh, what about Bloody Hyde Park etc. etc.
And so it goes on.
As you say Maz.
Posted 2 years ago # -
The All New Jeni B
onlineMemberOn behalf of all stressed out, put upon mothers everywhere.
What a fucking cow!!!!I wonder what her dentist sister thinks of her smoking?
And surely smoking is about 100 times more likely to cause mouth cancer than some mini lollies?Grrrrrrrr!
Posted 2 years ago # -
allmyownstunts
offlineMemberBecause, Svendo, you've taken no time at all to tune in to a very NewsBiscuity peccadillo. Congratulations - there is now no hope for you. Someone please post a link to the Biscuionary so Svendo can get up to speed?
Puffin Twatting was coined by andhrimnir way back in the day, and joins a list including squirrel licking and badger fisting which you really need to be half-pissed to fully enjoy.
Posted 2 years ago # -
AdrianJ
offlineMemberYou missed a trick there Mary, you should have replied:
"It's alright they're not my kids. I just need to give the little buggers an energy boost, as I've got a big order for trainers I need them to fulfil before tomorrow morning."
And given your current condition, you could even of added:
"Oh yeah, 40 B & H for me too - and a packet of Rizlas please."
Posted 2 years ago # -
sauce
offlineMemberWrite her into something, Mary. In fact, she'd be a cert for something for Bugged: http://buggedblog.wordpress.com/ or http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Bugged/116456611706540?v=info&ref=ts
Posted 2 years ago # -
Svendo
offlineMemberooh A whole new world of memes and injokes for me to enjoy/overuse...
I feel truly welcomed into the fold now that I've been enlightened into the wonders of puffin twatting.
I like it because it sticks with my own personal goal of not letting my swearing become a reaction or a habit by trying to make creative swears.
Posted 2 years ago #
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