There was mounting excitement today as The Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, announced that they had found a new Doctor Who. His full statement read: 'We have found a new doctor who will work weekends.'
The new doctor is believed to come from Gallifrey, and is therefore unaware of British doctors' culture of not working weekends, as well as alloting a maximum of five minutes per patient, including three minutes of fiddling about on their computer (i.e. sending emails to other doctors mocking the patients) and one minute of scribbling out a prescription for aspirin.
The next series of Doctor Whoworksweekends will include a new enemy, known only by its initials of NHS. The show's writer, Stephen Moffat, said that the new enemy will make the Daleks look like Paul O'Grady in comparison. 'Make no mistake,' he said, 'this new foe is completely ruthless. NHS has killed hundreds, if not thousands, and Britain is completely powerless to stop it. Doctor Whoworksweekends will find himself up against their biggest weapon - hospitals.'
A spokesman for NHS, played by Bob Hoskins, said: 'We will make sure Doctor Whoworksweekends dies - by sending him to Stafford hospital. Ha h ha ha ha ha ha ha!!'