General Paul Motors, C-I-C of NATO forces in Afghanistan, has announced that his troops will be deploying cat-pooh bombs against insurgents. He said this morning, “we’ve realised that using lethal force and overwhelming fire-power doesn’t really achieve anything, other than killing women and children, which the Taliban can then use as propaganda against us. So, the boffins have come up with the idea of firing bin-liners full of cat poop into bunkers, and then waiting for the heat to do its bit. It doesn’t matter how devout the jihadist, none of them can withstand the stink for more than 3 minutes. They’re surrendering in droves.”
Ali Jivanji, a jihadist from Pakistan who surrendered in Kandahar province last week, said, “it was when the Americans threatened to scale-up their operations and start using devices made from actual cat food that I realised I was beaten. Even Allah himself would puke at the smell of that stuff.”
Story inspired, but not too deeply, by new kitten.