The Archbishop Of Canterbury yesterday announced that the Church is going to pay off everyone’s debts by selling it’s unused cathedrals to the Muslims and it’s vast horde of gold, art treasures and enormous property portfolio to anyone else with the ready cash. Doctor Welby said “it does seem a tad inappropriate to work one day a week and be wearing a gold embroidered chasuble, when Jesus wore simple clothes and & worked for a living. We really ought to do more for the poor, even though their poverty fast-tracks them into heaven, so all the theatrical stuff has to go.”
He continued, “this is not the end of the Church of England, however; important cathedrals will be leased back from the Muslims at Christmas and for State occasions, such as the funeral of Tony Blair. We also foresee a healthy demand for parish churches from the sort of people who appear on ‘Grand Designs.’”
The Archbishop has since been detained under the mental health act for actually doing some of the things that Jesus taught.