"Hey it's OK here actually"
"I'm hungry - what's for tea? Ooh, that's nice!"
"Excuse me while I have a snooze"
"Oops I've just shat myself"
"It's all go around here innit?"
"Just had another snooze"
"Bunch of old farts came to gawp at me today & go 'Goo goo!' "
"Bugger - I've just shat myself again"
"I fancy a kip for a while"
"What's for brekkie?"
"Wot no bacon-and-eggs? Oh, all right - mmmm! Nice!"
"Oh sod it, another nappy change needed."
New Baby's first Tweets
(17 posts) (5 voices)
"Hey it's OK here actually"
Ah, those were the days when one only had to shout and someone shoved a tit in your face.
"Hey, looks like we're going outside ... we may be some time."
"So that's what the press corps looks like. Hi, guys! How ya doin'?"
"Thank you fans, thank you. I'm glad you could all make it here this afternoon."
"Before I go back inside, I'd just like to thank my parents, the midwife and the doctors, all the staff here, the support I've had from my fellow babies - wonderful bunch of guys - my agent, the producer, my grandparents, my great-great grandparents ..."
"Oh bugger I've just shat myself yet again."
"You're going to call me WHAT ?"
"Here we go again - another day, another dollar"
"What's in my engagement diary for today then?"
"Oh, right. So another day of waving my arms and legs about, wrinkling my face, wiggling my fingers, filling my nappies, feeding and snoozing."
"Oh bother, that was too long for a tweet."
"Does this mean my lifestyle is already"
"too complicated to describe in a tweet?"
“I’m not getting much milk out of those.
"Hey, there's a whole shed-full of presents at Kensington Palace."
"People have no taste."
"I want a proper EM gauge train set and a battery-powered car, with lights."
"Great Uncle Michael, why did we lose the war?"
"Hey, just look at the arse on that Auntie"
"I keep trying to tell them - my name is Jason."
"Why don't they listen?"
"Oh bugger I've just shat myself again."
"Just hope I get this incontinence sorted before I sit on the throne"
"It would be just too emabarssing otherwise"
"Great Grandmama says the Middletons are common."
"My Great Grandmother says 'But at least they are decent, grounded people' "
" 'Not like that ghastly dysfunctional Spencer lot' "
"Hey, look, I'm tweeting reported speech already"
"How cool is that?"
"Anyway, time for tea. Yum yum."
"And then my afternoon nap"
"Maybe I'll have a dump first"
"People don't appreciate the stress of being a baby"
"Oh, God, someone's just mentioned Eton."
"I wish they'd hurry up with the name. The imbeciles on Wikipedia are making a complete balls-up of my page."
“Baby schmaby. They’re going to make me the head of a Christian Church?! Oy!!!!!”
"Well, the pictures in the papers seem reasonable."
"Glad they appreciated my little wave."
"They seemed surprised by it though."
"Dunno why they should be. I'm a professional. Gracious royal waving: it's my job."
"What did they expect? A thumbs-up? A high five?"
"Punching the air? A v-sign? A Black Power clenched fist?"
"Oh, a Nazi salute. Er, no, I don't think so, thank you."
"I may have only been born yesterday, but even I know better than that."
"Yawn. Good morning. Usual routine today I think"
"Occasional arm and leg waggling, feeding, crying and nappy-filling"
"Main activity scheduled for today is snoozing"
"and a day off from waving to my fans and the world's press."
"If anyone else quotes Joyce Grenfell at me, I'll throw up."
"Though otherwise, George isn't too bad a name, though we've had loads of Georges"
"But not quite as many as Henrys."
"My Great-great grandfather George was a decent bloke"
"Certainly better than that useless tosser, his brother Edward."
"Wonder whatever happened to him in the end?"
"Anyway, hey ho, time for brekkie ... yum yum."
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