Royal baby celebrations across the globe were soured today following the news that the newly-born monarch has already declared himself a 'monstrous tyrant king', demanding all visitors to promptly kneel before his little bed upon entering his room. Showing all the early signs of being a 'devil child', the third in line to the throne is already 'worryingly articulate', with an insatiable appetite for destruction, chaos and greed.
Working from his hospital crib, the self-styled 'Demon King' has already laid out detailed plans for his terrifying reign, which he claims will 'start in Great Britain and eventually engulf the entire western world'. Many staff nurses and doctors, who had carefully tended to Kate Middleton over recent days, have been 'banished' and stripped of their qualifications by the power-hungry baby prince.
Dr. Thurman, who has already been ordered to 'wire all of his money' to the monarch, was present during the birth, and spoke of the moment the Royal baby entered the world: 'Everything seemed normal at first; Kate was coping brilliantly, William was over-come with joy. Then we heard a disturbing high-pitched cackle echoing from between the Duchesses legs'.
The doctor continued: 'Suddenly I was dragged downward by my collar and instructed by the tiny prince to escort him to the window and open the curtains. He then began waving to the large crowds, whispering "celebrate, my children, celebrate; for your souls and wallets are now mine". It was horrifying'
In a statement released by the Omen Prince, who has already demanded the 'immediate execution' of a member of public who labelled him 'just another mouth to feed', said: 'All those who earn over £1 per month will be subject to the new 100% tax law, and I demand the immediate demolition of Big Ben and its replacement with a giant marble statue of your future leader. Now kneel before me, peasants'.