Argentinian forces have successfully reclaimed the Falkland Islands today with 'absolutely no bother whatsoever', to the complete surprise of British military officials, who admit they were 'completely distracted' refreshing the BBC News website and watching a repetitive stream of 'baby bollocks' on the Sky News channel.
Chief of Argentine military, Lieutenant General Jorge Chevalier, said it was 'piss easy' to move troops on to the Island and officially claim it as Argentine territory. 'It's an old military tactic that never fails', said the triumphant Army official. 'As soon as we heard Kate was up the spout we knew it was just a matter of time before the whole country was consumed with blubbery baby bollocks, giving us a 24-hour window to move onto the Islands completely unopposed'
The Argentine operation, which took just six hours, is said to be the first military invasion in history to end with absolutely no casualties whatsoever. 'I marched twelve thousand troops past the Island's military headquarters completely unnoticed' laughed Argentina's president Cristina Fernández de Kirchner. 'Our guys said they could see the soldiers through the windows, completely transfixed on the tele. Easy', she added.
Shaking himself out of a state of 'Royal baby hypnosis', Britain's Chief of Defence Staff, General Sir Nick Houghton, smiled: 'ha, I can't believe those sneaky buggers waited until we were totally disabled with baby fever. Here we are, huddled round the tele, guessing the sex of the baby and just hoping Kate is as comfortable as possible, and all this time we were suffering a catastrophic invasion of overseas territory. I admit their opportunistic approach is quite impressive, though.
Now, does anybody have any news updates from St. Mary's Hospital, please?'