Shane Warne today announced his retirement from being the sports world's laughing stock.
At a press conference today, attended by a couple of journalists form The Guardian who are too left wing to write about the royal baby, Shame Warne said: 'People have been laughing at me for years, first because of my wig, and then because of Liz Hurley making me look like someone off a gay dating site, and then because of Liz Hurley herself, who is also a laughing stock.
'The final thing was Australia being massacred in the last test match. People have worked out that I'm Australian too, so they openly mock me in the street.
'So that's it - I've retired. I started my career by bowling what many regard as the best ball ever in cricket, and now I'm reduced to trying to look like I'm still a proper bloke, and putting on an English accent.
'Tell you what - I've been so humiliated that they'll probably call me up for Australia again. And you can't suffer a worse fate than that.'